Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Empty World

I miss my dad everyday since he died on July 4, 2009. The world is so much emptier without the richness that his presence contributed. I can't come to grips with the fact that he is gone forever. He wasn't rich or famous, but in my world I would compare his death to that of Michael Jackson. That's how large he was in my life. An iconic hero, and so much of my everyday living was done with his approval in mind. "What would dad do?" or "What would dad think about it?" I held him up on a pedestal so high, and unlike most people, he never toppled. The longer I knew him, the more I respected him. His integrity, his values, his commitment...he was an upright guy in old skool standards.
Like the death of many great people such as Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, Albert Einstein and more, it is hard to accept that the person was really mortal to begin with. Somehow in my mind, my dad was on a different level than the rest of us. Godlike, immortal, superhuman. I have a hard time accepting the fact that he was human like the rest of us. Perhaps in body he was, but to me he was far greater than any human to ever live. (except maybe my mom)
It feels incredulous to me that the world keeps spinning...heck it didn't even slow down, when such a monumental event has taken place. Monumental to me. Unlike the deaths of famous people that have rocked the world, I had the privilege of knowing my dad for 41 years. Days after the death of Michael Jackson, the television news showed fans crying and mourning for a person they had never even met. Which I suppose makes it easier to hold that person in high esteem, because the fans never got to know Michael Jackson the person.
I knew my dad...I saw him in his strongest moments, and in his weakest. I saw him make mistakes, and I saw him at his most vulnerable. And I think it speaks volumes that I still worshipped him.
In some ways I am sad that the rest of the world missed out on knowing such an incredible person. But in some ways I am glad that I had this secret treasure all my own...a dad who doted on me, taught me, and loved me no matter what.
Yes, my world is an emptier place now that he's gone...but I wouldn't trade it for the fullness my world has had because he was here.